Don't you send me to vm
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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