I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
