I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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