I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
