I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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