Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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