So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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