Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
