p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
