Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
