to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
