so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Im part way to drunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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