My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
