i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Houston, we have a blender
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
