I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
