I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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