We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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