And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
