Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
