exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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