I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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