if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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