I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
