I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
