I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
