Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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