Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
