The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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