Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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