Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
