I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
