I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
