wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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