the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
