At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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