I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
