Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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