I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
