Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
