He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
