i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
