I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
