if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
