It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
