I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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