she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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