The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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