: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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