why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
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I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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