Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
