I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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