maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
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The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.