I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES