Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight

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(480): View more from Arizona

Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.

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(214): View more from Texas

Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...

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(636): View more from Missouri

It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo

(1-636): View more from Missouri

Well it was nice knowing him

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