If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.