conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.