Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Who died my cat blue again?