I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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