my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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