Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
