I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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