Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
