I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
