matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
